Hello world!
•November 4, 2011 • Leave a CommentTaking Back Our Parental Roles
•November 1, 2011 • Leave a CommentI just read an amazing article in the Huff Post. It is an article that sits very close to my heart, both from a personal level and watching children that I mentor suffer the consequences of the notion that they are ‘entitled’. So as not to make this too personal, I am going to post the article here.
We Don’t Spoil Our Children Anymore — We Entitle Them
The responsible and intentional parent makes an effort to contemplate, discuss, and if possible, determine what life lessons will be missed if financial support or a gift is given. Your teenager gets a DUI from driving while intoxicated. Do you run to your IRA and make a loan to bail him out of jail, hire the best lawyer, and then start listening and believing the lawyer’s rationalizations of how body weight and lack of food intake should excuse the five beers he or she inhaled before jumping behind the wheel of a car? Maybe you should leave him in jail for the night or allow her to be represented by a public defender.
“What?” you say, “My child? He is an honors student and super star athlete!” So what? He was also irresponsible and a physical danger to other innocent people on the highway. If your teenager had injured someone in an accident he would be on his way to prison for an extended term… at no charge.
Make no mistake; the development of a “child of entitlement” is exclusively the fault of the parent. In the name of protecting our children, parents create a literal disconnect between the “safe” or “ideal” world in which our children live and the real world. Children don’t have their own built in warning light. They have no foundation to know they are taking their privileges for granted. We teach them they are entitled to have everything they want. Because no earning takes place in between acquisitions, purchasing a new car or house, for instance, feels equivalent to purchasing a new bicycle. Value escapes. There is a “richness” missing from their lives. When Michelangelo was asked how he had envisioned his masterpiece David within a giant hunk of marble, he responded, “David was inside the rock all along. My only job was to remove the unnecessary rock from around him so he could escape.” Too many parents fear the pain that will come when they remove the rock around their children, so they never allow them to escape and become “works of art” as adults.
Most of us experience a life filled with repeated fluctuations of compression (difficult events) and expansion (successful events). Difficult times typically last for a while, and then when they recede for a moment, we can move forward. Compression can be caused by both internal and external influences. Internally we struggle with our own egos, our ambitions, our sense of personal worth, our societal position, our self-image, our images of how others perceive us, our health goals, our addictions, our failings, and our feelings of being financially successful and good providers. Externally we get a promotion at work, we get a raise, the economy is healthy, interest rates are low or our neighbors are gracious to us. Conversely, we get fired, lose our home to foreclosure, lose a parent, wife, or child, get a traffic ticket, or find our automobile just decided to quit running. Others have characterized this journey as traveling through the hills and valleys of life.
If you believe you can avoid these rhythms at any income level, you are being unrealistic. They find everyone. Many people believe money relieves these symptoms of everyday existence. One thing is undeniable: There is a direct correlation between people feeling better as compression ends and expansion begins. The burden is temporarily lifted, and for a while life lets out a big sigh and the mind experiences a moment of contentment.
Oddly, most parents could be convicted of trying to make their children’s lives easier and less taxing than their own. Such parental ethics are either well-intentioned errors or just plain laziness. There is nothing better for children than to crash and burn as a result of their own errors in judgment and mistakes, for them to experience the consequences of their choices. You can tell a child not to put her hand on a hot stove ten times without success. It only takes letting her insist on it once for the child to learn the lesson.
So at least spend a little time looking at the downside of your financial support. Before you “take away the pain” of your child’s struggle or misfortune, consider what benefit they might receive from your willingness to listen, love, discuss, and console, in lieu of handing over your wallet. It is ironic how we hope to help our children avoid the same toil that gives us so much satisfaction. We endured and so will they… if we let them.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/richard-watts/children-discipline_b_1064721.html
The Path to No-Where Ends
•October 22, 2011 • 5 Comments
This past week, The Orphaned Starfish Foundation celebrated it’s 10th Annual Gala. What a spectacular event it was! I have been blessed with being a part of the growth of the organization for the past five years. I was introduced to the organization from my friend, Lucia and United Airlines(the then Continental). Helping under privileged children is something that I have always loved to do. Growing up without functioning parents, I understand how children can get emotionally beat down and spiral down paths to no-where. I also know that with a little bit of hope, with the right mentors, with love and compassion, the path to no-where can be taken off of the map.
The Orphaned Starfish Foundation puts a path to somewhere on the map for many children living around Latin America. The organization raises awareness about the needs of children in these 3rd world countries who do not have the means to have an education. Who without the generosity of individuals would not be able to understand what a computer’s capabilities are or even, what a computer is! The goal is to create education for these children to become self supportive as adults and have the chance to have a ‘normal’ life when they reach adulthood.
Back to the gala…
The main event of the gala is the children, recipients of the grants that the foundation provides. This year, there were seven children from different countries. Panama, Costa Rica, Dominican Republic, Mexico and Brazil came to New York to represent their orphanages and to tell their stories, their achievements, their goals. The children arrived a day or two prior to the gala and the foundation prepared an event packed 3 days for them to have literally, the time of their young lives.
On Monday evening, the children were greeted with a bowling party hosted by an amazing hearted family. I had to wonder if any of these children had ever seen a bowling ball before, the neon lights illuminating the alleys or the pizza oozing with mozzarella cheese. Although I did not attend this portion of the program, I saw photographs of smiles, laughter and amazement on the faces of these young adorable children. They are so different from many of the children we come to know who take all of these things for granted, as a way of life. But for the children of Orphaned Starfish Foundation and so many more like them, this was the most amazing time in their life. And there was more to come.
On Tuesday morning, the groups were met by many of the volunteers to accompany them on a tour, (donated by VolaTours), around our fabulous New York City. Every year, we take the children who earn the opportunity to come here on this tour and every year, I marvel at their faces of amazement. We board the bus at 8:30 AM and travel around the city. I watch the children’s heads move from one side to the other, taking in the sights of New York, the likes of which most have never seen. One of our volunteers always comes with a back pack filled with goodies for the children. Nellie passes out the juice boxes which are swallowed in a nano second and pastries to satisfy their hungry little tummies. Some of the children are donning scarfs and gloves, (donated by loving volunteers), even though it is 60 degrees outside. It is a sight to be seen.
After traveling all around the city as the noon hour approached, we stopped down at Battery Park for a boat tour out to the Statue of Liberty. The children were amazed at the skyline of Manhattan and Brooklyn and the bridges connecting them. Even I still stand in amazement at the views! When we approach the statue, all the children run to one side of the boat, snapping pictures of her beauty to take home to the other children living in their facility. I can’t help but look at their faces and seeing how much they appreciate the gift that they have earned. They even find tremendous fun when the boat bangs into the port for us to disembark.
An all American lunch of hamburgers and hotdogs awaited us at Primeburger after the boat ride, followed by a visit to St. Patricks Cathedral and Top of the Rock. And that was the beginning of their visit. I am going to skip to how their last day with us went and then get back to the main event.
On Wednesday, we met for lunch at Zio’s on W.19th Street. We had salad and pasta, which many of the children did not have the taste buds for. They did however enjoy the Tiramisu for desert, which they practically swallowed whole. Not much different from our kids here! Madame Tussaud’s Wax Museum graciously donated tickets to the children and after lunch, I decided that we would give the kids a ride on the NY City Subway system. I had no clue that you could only swipe a Metro-Card 4 times! In total, we were sixteen people, (7 kids and 9 adults), so I had to buy numerous cards to get us on the subway. It was taking us so long to get through that we missed one train and another was approaching when the subway attendant began to feel my pain and just let 5 of us enter through the gate. We made the packed train which took us 4 stops to Times Square. We toured the five levels of MT’s for 3 hours! The kids absolutely loved posing with “the stars” and taking creative pictures with them. It was very crowded and filled with music. But a few sounds stood out for me. The voices of children. I heard one little kid complaining about how boring it was. He was speaking in English, so I knew it wasn’t one of our kids. I heard another complaining that their feet hurt and whining about how she wanted to go home. But no words were necessary to see the faces of the children from the foundation. They were having the time on their lives!
As if that wasn’t enough, HardRock Cafe provided dinner and goodie bags to the children. They were so excited to be at the Cafe, seeing all of the guitars and hearing all of the music, which most of them probably never heard before. Not as a result of their situation, in so much as in the fact that they were way too young to appreciate Jimmy Hendrix. But as I learned in the museum, they would definitely have been jumping for joy at the sound of Justin Bieber! We finished dinner at around 6 45 and rounded everyone up to the finally of their three-day extravaganza. Spiderman on Broadway. (All of the tickets were donated as well.) Even though most of these kids didn’t understand the words, the amazing show kept them on the edge of their seats waiting for Spiderman fly over their heads. They giggled and ducked as the hero’s and villains flew and jumped and sang around the theatre. Even though I enjoyed the show, I couldn’t help but stare at their faces that needed no lights to shine.
When we exited the theatre, as a group we were exited to what I thought was a back door exit. Instead, we were taken to a VIP room. The children were so tired at this point and I could see them sitting on the sofa’s around the edge of the room, just longing to get back to their hotels to sleep. There were a few of the children leaving in only a few hours, heading back to their homes. We sat their for about ten minutes, reliving the events of the day when the door opened and in walked Spiderman with Mike Myers at his side! Every thought going through my mind was drowned out by the screeching sounds coming out of the kids mouths. They were elated. Spiderman actually came to see them, in full costume! They looked at Mike not knowing who he was until it someone mentioned Shrek! Lights started flashing and the photo-op began to bring an end to the trip of a life time for some now, children who over night became privileged through the generosity and kind hearts of the most amazing people.
Of all this excitement, the most impactful time of their visit was at the gala. Every one of the children got up on the stage to give a little speech. These kids were so well prepared in what they had to say. One of them even prepared the entire speech in English! How brave was she? They each told of how they wound up at their respective orphanage and the care that they were given in each. They each told about the benefits they were receiving as a result of the foundation. They each talked about their aspirations, goals and dreams. Tears running down my face, I listened to their stories, hoping that their every dream came true. I waited to hear their dreams of the big house, the new cars, the designer clothes…but the words of such a dream never came. The dream of each child on that stage was the same. “When I grow up and become…I want to be there to help other children like me.” That put me over the edge and made me realize that the path to no-where ended here.
Hello world!
•October 15, 2011 • 1 CommentThis is my first blog! I have done so many other things in my life but I have yet to create a blog. For now, I’ll talk about where I am in my life, because really, now is all there is.
I am a business consultant in the travel and transportation industry. I am a specialist in the fields of Business Process Management and Strategy Implementation. What all of that means is I help companies who want to expand their businesses, profit margins or global presence. I also help corporations who have a large travel budget manage their Travel & Expense programs.
That is a high level overview of my professional life.
I am an aspiring writer. I am currently working on a memoir. My memoir detailing my life as a run-away homeless teenager who had the chutzpah to not fall deep into the world of drugs, prostitution or forever homelessness. My memoir details how I became homeless and what I did to fix that situation. It is a success story for sure and I was prompted to write it for a few reasons.
I am very proud of how I handled my life. It’s ups and it’s downs. It would have been very easy for me to succumb to the streets and live my life, on a destructive path. I made a choice not to do that and to get myself out of that realm. Looking back, I realize it took a lot of guts and strength. Strength to learn the difference between right and wrong, death and survival, success and failure. I other homeless kids to feel that pride.
I want my story to inspire other young people who have been put out onto the street, out of desperation to escape a home life that beat them down, emotionally, physically and mentally. Beat them down to the point that they chose sleeping on street corners, park benches or abandoned houses. To the point that they didn’t care if they had food or water or shelter. To the point of suicide. I want them to know that in reality, the choice is theirs. Fight or give up.
There are many of us out there who were not blessed with the luxury of having a formal education. Body shaking, heart trembling, fingers unable to move, we’ve had to fill out the ‘education’ box on a job application or add ‘education’ on to our resume. It is at that point, we feel the doom of not getting a job. The anxiety that we feel when it comes to that part of creating a great career for ourselves is enough to make us turn and run for the homeless hills.
There is a stigma associated with those of us in the world of the ’uneducated’. So many potential employers think that since we did not have formal education that we are ‘uneducated’. I learned how to speak fluent Japanese when I was 17 years old. I learned how to manuever my way around a foreign culture. I learned how to do business in a foreign land. I learned how to not only survive, but flourish under the most unfavorable circumstances. I worked my way up the ranks to be a respected person in the business community and no one knows, I am one of the ‘uneducated’. Recently, I was having a conversation with a man about the business climate around the world. I was giving my opinion on business practices and my beliefs on how to beat the economic distress that small businesses were facing. His face tightened with every possible resolution I offered him to help him save his business, he was getting so angry. Then he said,
“You know, it’s easy for you college educated people to talk about how to fix things. Try putting everything you learned from those text books into practice and then come back and talk to me”.
I kind of looked around the room and wondered who he was talking to. When I realized it was me, I smiled to myself. If he only knew.
Education is so important in our society, but young people, who don’t have the resources to obtain an education that will catapult their careers can excel. They need mentors, opportunities to prove themselves, a desire to succeed. Society and employers need to open their minds and stop blaming all of the ‘uneducated’ on laziness and judging the lack of a diploma on our inability or unwillingness to work. Give us a chance. You many find how much smarter, stronger and livelier we are than you think.
This is the path that I will be following from here on. I hope you follow along.
Leave a comment!